Feeling some goopy love...

Messy play day today thanks to some goop! Grabbed a couple of boxes of cornflour & about half a litre of water & shoved the lot in a basin. Kids looked a bit confused to begin with to be honest as I think W was under the impression we were baking (I assume the 'flour' reference). So mixed it all up & I have to say I think I loved the stuff more than the boys did! W hasn't ever been one for enjoying having sticky hands so he got a bit squicked out when it started drying out on his hands & ran off to wash them. O on the other hand LOVED it. We sat for ages playing with the stuff but we made it a bit too runny so if anyone wants to try it, I'd advise using just slightly less than 500ml if using 2 boxes of cornflour. It was awesome all the same. We all got really messy & it was loads of fun.

Unfortunately during the goop process, a rather large burn I received yesterday (dumbass accident with some soup) started to burst & the blisters weeping. Having seen the nurse earlier on in the morning, I was told if such a thing were to happen to get back down there. So playtime screeched to a rather painful halt as I had half an hour to get both boys ready & get down to the doctors surgery. My darling baby was pissed & I mean seriously pissed (as you can see) that I had to take the basin away & wash us all up. He totally flipped & screamed the place down like a banshee. A rather stressful experience when your fiance & Mum are both sleeping for nightshifts (in different beds obviously, we're not THAT family). Thankfully, a mixture of boob & distraction managed to get us on the move & out the door.

A tip for goop cleanage would be don't try to wash it up with wet cloths as the cornflour just dries out again. We were out for about an hour & when we got back the full lot had dried & it was just cornflour left on the floor so it was easy enough to just sweep it all away.

(I'm fine by the way, arm is still intact & all safely packaged away.)

Aside from that, we've had a bit of a quiet one. The boys were angels all day, bless them (unless you count W's slow-as-treacle-running-off-a-cold-spoon walk up from the doctors in the pissing rain). It's days like this I look back & feel really bad for moaning. They really are a pair of sweethearts for the most part. I hate that guilty feeling though, especially if you've told them off & then you're putting them to bed at night & see their wee faces as they sleep. Those moments make you realise just how much you love your children. Seeing them laying their sound asleep & feeling that aching feeling in your chest like your heart is going to explode! Totally didn't see that one coming when I was pregnant, the fact that you could love someone so much & happily give all if yourself to those little people. No matter how crappy things can get sometimes, your children really are a blessing & we should treat them as such. Sorry for getting a bit soppy there but I do feel a bit lovey dovey Mummy tonight... 

Let's see if it's all as lovey dovey 24 hours from now.

- M

Funny moment of the day came courtesy of the eldest coming parading downstairs in his pants & a set of neon pink patent heels. Strutting about the living room & posing all over the shop. Truly was a sight to behold!

Belly-ache & babywearing...

I'm so hungry. Like, seriously hungry. I don't know how much longer I can keep up with this vegan diet. It's at a point where I'm convinced I can feel myself fading away slowly. On the upside, it does appear to be working. At the weekend we ended up having dinner with the in-laws but didn't contact ahead concerning the fact I was meat & dairy free. It was so good to eat meat properly again but painkillers were necessary. Later on that night, my Mum was ordering Chinese food so I decided I fancied some pancake rolls. Unfortunately, I wasn't aware that there was meat in said pancake rolls. Cue me laying in the bath, rolling around like a harpooned whale in distress in tears, regretting ever eating those damn rolls. This thankfully is the last week of my elimination diet so hopefully we can get somewhere with the doctors. Never thought I'd be so excited to visit the GP!! I think I'll celebrate with a steak & a chocolate gateau!!

But no chocolate & steak tonight. Instead it's apples & oranges, cross stitch & telly. Old before my time? Possibly. But at least I'm at least halfway to happy.

This past few days since my last posting have been pretty non-eventful if I'm honest. Apart for some nice-ish weather on Friday, it's been pretty dull. Although I finally got a chance to take Ollie out in the sling properly on my back. The weathers always so miserable that we're wearing so many layers, I'd need a wrap 2 sizes bigger to be able to wrap us both together!!! It was strange though to see just how rare babywearing is in this area. People either looked totally confused or seemed really surprised & awed by it. The unfortunate thing is though, I kinda feel like I stick out like a sore thumb & for an anxiety sufferer that's not the most comfortable of situations. But the act of carrying in the sling itself is so awesome, I really have to do it more often. Ollie really seemed to enjoy the nursery run from a different perspective plus he was so happy snuggling into my back enjoying the sunshine. In fact, he was so happy, he wouldn't even accept the chocolate buttons I was trying to hand him over my shoulder. Definitely going to make a bigger effort when it comes to carrying when (IF) the weather brightens up in the summer. 

My mission before then is to buy myself a longer wrap & practise as many carries as possible so I can be a babywearing goddess in the summer, wearing nothing but a bikini & a toddler on my back. Probably look more like a pork roast with the strings done up too tight but in my head I'll totally look like a supermodel!!

No use thinking of sunshine though as unfortunately we have yet another week of rain ahead of us. All the outdoor activities I've been hoarding on Pinterest are bloody pointless now I'm back to square one trying to come up with some fabulous ideas of indoor activities to keep the monsters occupied. Wish me luck!!

- M

The day with the ants...

Ooh got a bit of catching up to do since I collapsed into a sleepy coma last night putting the boys to bed. I honestly could not bring myself to get back up again after nodding off taking them upstairs. Possibly because we had decided that it would be nice to have a shopping trip on a lovely sunny day with all 4 children. A typically terrifying experience for both my Mum & I but it was rather pleasant on the whole if I'm being totally honest. The only mishap I suppose we had was W deciding that a game of hide & seek in Primark would be the most fun thing in the world, which it might well have been for him but for myself, um... no. Definitely not!! Is there anything in the world more stressful than losing a child? Thankfully he popped his head out from a display of t-shirts before I managed to go into cardiac arrest and/or have a nervous breakdown so it was all good. Needless to say, we quickly finished our shopping trip & headed home with all 4 children & before all my hair went grey!!

This morning was the first day back at nursery & school after the long weekend. The school run isn't the most pleasant experience in the world anyway, getting 5 people ready, doing breakfasts, sorting lunches etc, but this morning proved a bit more trying than usual. First of all we got up & everyone got dressed & it seemed like we were off to a good start. But then it all came apart at the seams... my stomach started hurting. Now for any of you who aren't aware, the only way my stomach & back seem to get any relief during one of these episodes is by sitting & laying in a bath of roasting hot water. At 8am, this is 100% NOT convenient, especially when you have several people to get ready & escort to school. So I headed upstairs, clutching my stomach, knowing full well I had no time for a bath so I jumped in the shower & attempted, to no avail, to use the shower head to soothe the pain. By the time I got out, the toast had popped & gone cold, nobody thought to put anything ON the toast. So all children had breakfast & headed up to brush teeth & get hair fixed. Just about ready to go, all we needed were jackets & lo & behold W needed the toilet. So I ushered him upstairs & told him to hurry up & do a wee. But no, of course, he needed something else. So he sat on the toilet for over 15 minutes & did nothing, NOTHING, not even a bloody pee!! Then came the wasp at the front door, me screaming & running through to the back door (major wasp phobia by the way). But we made it there in the end, albeit late.

Then I lapsed into a coma again with the youngest when we got home from the school run, mother-in-law called to say she wanted to pick W up from nursery so I knew I could drift off for a while without panicking I'd miss W at nursery. So we got up & I was overcome with boredom & after exchanging a few messages the plan was to visit K & her son. Of course lunch time was first so beans on toast were on the cards. Allowing the youngest to feed himself is normally a bit of a messy event anyway but oh my God, the beans were *EVERYWHERE*. The spoon was cast aside & he was raiding through them with his hands (because, come on, who DOESN'T love playing in cold beans?), they were in his hair, all over his face, all down his t-shirt. So I managed to wipe all the bean juice out of his hair & off his face but had to change his t-shirt. On the way to K's in the taxi, it became apparent that my child's jeans are covered in bean juice & it's too late to turn back so as usual, my children end up looking like tramps!! So after a nice visit, chatting & cooing over K's adorable & cheery wee darling, I was prepared for the nice atmosphere to continue when I got home but it was not to be. The kids had arrived home from school & holy shit there were a few ants managed to get in the living room. Now I'm talking like 10 max which probably got in when the front door was left open but the wa y our darling 10yr old drama queen was performing, you'd think there were a thousand man-sized vicious, rabid mutant ants cornering her in the living room. The screams, the chaos, the drama! Peaceful talking gave way to angry voice & I'm ashamed to say it... I screamed at her. I'm not going to lie, I was fuming at the carry on that went on this afternoon but I'm still pissed at myself 6hr later for shouting at her the way I did. Yet again though, we're our biggest critic. We apologised to each other & sang karaoke to make up for how we made each other feel. Respect is a two way street & we need to earn it from one another not just from child to adult. Losing it on either side isn't productive whatsoever. But we made it through the day. Not surprised that there was another event which will stand out in my mind as "the day with Ellie & the ants" but I still love them all to pieces & wouldn't change them for the world. - M

Stomach pains & facial injuries...

Oh lord, a rather unpleasant evening culminating in me spending my night in the bath attempting to soothe the horrific pain attacking my upper abdomen, all the way round to my back. Long story but basically leads me to a dairy & meat free diet. You don't realise how much you appreciate lasagne until you can't eat it in all it's glory. Picked up a lentil lasagne recipe earlier but to be honest I don't have high hopes. After going dairy free when the eldest was a baby I mistakenly thought it would be easier this time around but I tell you what, it's bloody harder! The sweet temptation of that chocolate biscuit in the cupboard, the lure of the beauteous mac & cheese bubbling away in the oven, ooft it's almost impossible to resist. But alas, I mist. I only hope when the mystery of the invisible knife tearing away at my innards is located, diagnosed & removed, that I can resume my wondrous ventures into all manner of cheesiness & chocolatey desires. But for now, it's dairy free, vegetarian, hot water & co-codamol to see me through until that glorious day.

Aside from that, the experimental Minecraft free day (I hate that damn game) went fairly well. Kids spent most of the day outdoors with no arguments over mines, creepers, horses & whatever other balls is in the game. We had a few hiccups along the way as expected. Spectacularly, 10yr old sister bursts in the back door & stands howling in the kitchen, clutching her face as if she has a horrific GSW & screaming to the point I was concerned my glasses were on danger of smashing. So o head into the kitchen expecting another scratch or bump to accompany an overreaction, when she moves her hand & holy shit, her face is swollen & already starting to bruise. Cue serious feeling of guilt for assuming the worst. So I rush for a cold damp flannel & some arnica cream while she recites the rather bizarre event which resulted in her injury. Apparently, 8yr old brother was swinging higher than usual on the swing & was attempting to kick the washing line (as you do) & his shoe came flying off, rebounded off the washing line & smashed her in the face. For a start I really want to know what possessed him to kick the line in the first place & how hard could one possibly have to swing for ones shoe to come off ones foot? Thankfully, with my exceptional quick thinking & immediate treatment she remarkably hasn't came out on a rather large nasty bruise!! So for any mums with accident prone children who always seem to be covered in bruises, invest in some arnica cream. I think I got it for about a fiver in Holland & Barratt & it bloody works.

So in the end it's been quite a nice day kidwise & I've loved seeing them out in the fresh air instead of goggle eyed in front of one of the most boring looking games I've ever laid eyes on. It's all good & hopefully it will continue.

- M

Swing parks, shaving cream & social anxiety...

Well, it's been a busy couple of days. Between the other half injuring his ankle & feeling a bit rubbish myself, haven't really sat down to write to be honest.

Over the past few days, although it's been a bit hectic, we've had a pretty good time. For a start we had a playdate with a Mummy friend. Was refreshing actually sitting talking to someone over the age of 10 for any length of time but strange talking to someone I didn't have to tell off at any given point!! Started off a pretty dull day so was worried it was going to rain but by the time K got here, it had brightened up a bit. We decided to take the boys to the swing park, had a bit of a gab & the boys seemed to have fun. Although I must admit, there was a slight hiccup in the end after such a pleasant afternoon. W had developed a bit of an unhealthy obsession with K & decided that home time was the perfect time to start a lovely tantrum involving tears, 'you don't love mes' that horrid whingy voice all us Mums love & making me feel so guilty that I'm prepared to tattoo 'bad mummy' on my forehead. After some cajoling, the promise of another visit & a piggy back we finally got home in one piece.

After having some grown up time that afternoon it made me realise that my days are so child-focused that I have next to no adult interaction apart from via social networking. I don't know if that's healthy or if it's just one of those things that happen when you have these little monsters we call our children. Especially for those of us who don't feel as if we really 'fit in'? I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb when in social situations & especially when there are strangers involved. It's one personality trait I really despise about myself, the shyness, the anxiety, the inability to interact & have the confidence to approach other people. I hate that from an outsiders point of view that I probably come across as ignorant or unapproachable but I don't think it's exactly appropriate to wear a massive 'I HAVE ANXIETIES' sticker on my forehead. Standing like a spare prick at a wedding at nursery time probably looks a bit dodgy when everyone else seems to relaxed & socialising with one another. Not going to lie, I do get pretty jealous of other people who can just breeze into any situation & just slot right in & get into conversation etc. After speaking to my Mum later on that night, she made me realise that I spend so much time complaining & getting upset about my social anxieties but don't really push myself into doing something about them. And she has a point, because although I have attended CBT & started doing every day regular things without a thought anymore, I still haven't made that big push. So I solemnly swear, here today, with everyone watching, that I am going to take a step forwards. I don't know exactly what that step is yet but watch this space. M is booting her anxiety right up the arse once & for all. Just you wait & see!!

So the next day, pretty bored, having a Google for inspiration as to what to do, I stumbled across shaving foam painting from The Imagination Tree.

We already had some paints & paintbrushes in the house so it just cost us £1 for a tin of shaving foam & the kids were happy for aaaaages! We just started off by squirting the foam into paint pots & swirled in some paint with the handle of the brush. Bit messy because it's starts to foam up & overspill.

Both the boys had a great time with the foam paint. For O, he loved exploring it with his fingers as opposed to the brushes & seemed to really like the feeling of the foam between his fingers. W on the other hand, really liked being able to paint himself & all over the walls without making a mess & Mummy being a bit peeved. All in all, it was a roaring success & the two of them ended up in a right state & had loads of fun. And it only took about 30 secs to rinse off both children & the bath at the same time. Definite win!

So that brings us to today, a pretty boring day, spent mostly indoors. However we did have an indoor picnic which the kids seemed to find rather awesome. Most exciting part of the day was playing with Moondough in the bath & realising that the bath is now my favourite play area because we can make as much mess as possible & it only takes seconds to tidy up!! I don't know if it's genius or sure laziness...

- M

Bye bye baby, hello toddler...

Well, tonight I had a bit of a sad epiphany. While watching the youngest run around the back garden playing & subsequently climbing all over the place in the bedroom, I came to realise that he's not a baby anymore. Over the past few weeks, he's totally outgrowing his babyness & heading rapidly towards toddlerhood on rollerskates. Not literally, that would be a recipe for disaster.

The eldest will be starting primary school after the summer holidays of 2014 as well, how scary is that? Time seems to be passing faster than I can keep up with & I find it really unsettling that my babies are growing up so fast. I'm so proud of how they're growing but yet sad at the same time of what's being left behind.

To be honest, there's not much to say today. The boys were out for the afternoon & the kids were at school then playing outside after so it's been relatively uneventful apart from one thing. While the boys were gone, I decided a nap was in order so I lay up on the couch & drifted off, only to be woken about 20 minutes later in a state of panic. 10 year old sister is having a borderline panic attack & totally freaked me out. My eyes shot open expecting to see the bloody house on fire & she's sitting rambling on, something about a picture, The Hunger Games, school, library. Totally not following, I stared at her dumbfounded until she finally shushed up. This little snippet of drama came courtesy of her "needing" photos printed for her "talk" tomorrow in school. Now leaving this until 4.50pm when the library shuts at 5.00pm on a Wednesday in itself is pretty daft. Coupled with the fact she could have told me this 3 days ago & the fact that this is the first time I've heard that she needs bloody props. When I was at school, you got a night to think of what to say & to make up a card of bullet points then got shoved in front of 29 other kids, almost weeping to talk about what you done at the bloody weekend, not organise props & set out a presentation about x, y, z!!!

I really missed the boys today & it was strange not having them around. I must be some sort of masochist because I hear so many people saying they're glad the kids are out because they can do whatever & have peace etc but I honestly feel like I'm missing a limb when they're not here. Probably because normally the youngest is hanging off of one of my lower limbs for a large portion of the day. I've come to realise that children are my life now. My day is entirely child-centric & you know what, as much as 5 minutes peace would be glorious every now & again, I really don't mind. I'm pretty happy. I love my children & as far as I can tell they love me. I might not be the perfect parent in the eyes of society but as long as my kids think I'm their perfect Mummy & they're truly happy then that's all I can hope for.

Maybe that's not a good thing, I've seen articles about how Mums need to be themselves & remove themselves from being Mum but you know what, that's what I *am*! I am a Mum & I'm thankful to be in this position. I don't need to be someone else because the girl from before is still right here. Granted I might not get into a drunken state & dance half-naked on a Friday night thinking I look the shizz when really I look like a complete tit but I'm still here. When everyone realises that pre-mum & Mum aren't oil & water, a nasty combination that are impossible to combine but a yummy cocktail (Cheeky Vimtos anyone?) where everything works together to make a lovely, exciting (but sometimes lethal lol) product, we'll be a much happier bunch :)!

- M

Note: I'm currently tee-total before anyone reports me to the authorities for gratuitous alcohol & parenting analogies!