It's 12.49am as I sit down to type this. I've just woken up from falling asleep whilst taking the boys to bed. My night was officially sabotaged by the little people. Had big plans (well, if you call sewing & having a bath "big" that is) & now it's about time to go back to bed. If only they'd gone to sleep bloody sooner...
Most Mums love bath/bedtime. Whether they're the 'OMG can't wait until bedtime, peace & quiet' types or the 'Can't wait until bedtime to have a splash & a snuggle with my babies' type. There must be something wrong with me, because nowadays I have a serious dislike for it. Don't get me wrong, there are some nights where bed time is a blast & it's all lovey dovey & snuggly but most nights, I feel like my hair is going to fall out with stress & that I genuinely could run away. I can't remember feeling like this before with my eldest, he's actually not bad with the whole hygeine/sleep business. I used to look forward to this time of the day but I think my youngest has a vendetta against me & is trying to push me over the edge >_<
We've got a pretty loose routine. Involves bath & bed around the same time most nights. It all starts out fairly calmly, the clock ominously ticks closer to 7pm (oh no, it's nearly time). O, quite happily, comes upstairs to help run the bath & pour in some bubbles (don't turn around though, wouldn't be the first time a whole bottle of bubble bath ended up in there). But then it begins it's rapid descent, removing socks, trousers & nappy, I think, okay it's all going well, we can do this tonight, then the t-shirt has to come off. Now, I have no idea what is with my youngest & having his t-shirt removed but I've never seen a child go so limp & screamy over a t-shirt. Whether it's pulled loose so it slips over his head or whatever, it's like you're trying to remove part of his soul. Then come the screams as you attempt to lift this floppy, kicking mess into the water itself. Doesn't always prove to be as easy as it sounds. Putting defensive feet onto the side of the bath, shoving me backwards until I nearly land on my ass.
Then, it's the calm before the storm. He remembers he actually enjoys bath time. Starts playing, gets washed (even doesn't mind getting his hair washed), splashes about, has a laugh with Mummy. Then, I catch his eye as I stand up to reach for his toothbrush from the holder & apply toothpaste. The glee-filled expression changes to one of terror. Pure terror at the prospect of actually having his teeth brushed. THE HORROR!!! So I try to distract him, blow bubbles on him, play with his Peppa boat & then when he's calm, he gets scooped from the water, wrapped in a towel & cuddled into a false sense of security. Now, we've tried every tactic in the book for teeth brushing, nothing works, nothing at all. Most prospective parents are dreading the late nights, teething & a having a sore perineum in the early days (none of which are very pleasant by the way) but they're wrong. You're all being lied to, it's the teethbrushing you need to dread!! I swear, the screams that come from this child (again no matter what you try to do to distract, please, entertain him, during the process) are horrendous. I can just picture my neighbours attempting to decide whether to call 999, social services or a glazier to get their windows replaced because the high pitched screech has smashed them to bits!!! Most nights, I end up in tears. I'm embarassed to admit.
Recovering from the teethbrushing ordeal, we make some funny faces in the mirror then head to the bedroom. Then the horns truly come out. Trying to get this child dressed, is like trying to... trying to... nah, I can't even come up with anything in my head that could possibly be harder. Catching him first, is probably the hardest part. I've never seen a child move so fast (laughing like a maniac) as O does when he sees you with a nappy in your hand. Now, I know kids love to be naked, that's fair enough but come on, seriously? Getting the nappy on before he pees somewhere is crucial, tonight, I failed in my attempts. He peed on my pillow, he honest to God, peed on my pillow. And not just any pillow, my good pillow, my snuggly pillow. I was sad. Very sad. Then, just like the removal of the t-shirt previously, getting one back on is just as much (if not more) of a trial. What is that all about? It's just a t-shirt, not a straight jacket or some sort of medieval torture device & let's not get me started on the trousers. Get one leg in just as he kicks the other leg off & all that jazz.
Phew, finally dressed. You'd think that was it, all over. Some nights, it is. It's then on to the lovely part, snuggles, whispering how much I love him & nursing him to sleep. But some nights, like tonight, it's not so sweet. Imagine having to read Peppa Pig/Julia Donaldsonesque rhymey type books/books that you genuinely don't need to look at the book to read over & over until your eyes bleed. Yeah, that. All the while, still snuggled in nursing of right enough, but painful nonetheless. Some nights, he falls asleep during the first story, some nights I read the whole bloody library, some nights (like tonight) it's just chaos. Pure unadulaterated chaos, escaping the room, jumping on the bed, elbow-dropping & body slamming me (again, laughing maniacally) as I lay there drowning in my own sorrow desperately wishing it was over. Maybe one day, I'll look back on these moments & laugh. I doubt it.
I sound like a pretty mean Mummy & to be honest, reading it back it doesn't sound too bad but trust me, living in the moment, pretty much 5-6 nights a week, during the bath/bedtime process I end up in tears. I sometimes wonder if he does it for entertainment value, you know. You'd think after 2 years & 5 months, the message would have sunk in, wouldn't you. But no, it hasn't. So here's to another God knows how many years of stressful bath/bedtimes until it finally hits home.
- M
The thing is, I know right now, I'm going to go upstairs into the bedroom. Lay in bed in the middly of the two of them & feel the overwhelming sense of guilt all parents experience after a long stressful day with the kids. Whether it be because you've been angry at them, yelled at them or pretty much decided you're going to run away (although you know you never could) & it all melts away. We love them really, no matter how trying they are & I cannot wait to go & cuddle up to the two of them. The terrors that they are. <3
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